I am not a violent person. I’m actually an anti-violent person. Unless, of course, someone desperately needs to be brought around to my point of view and reasoning isn’t working. Then I’ll crack ya’ one right upside the noggin. And there’s also an increased likelihood of physical violence if you wake me from a sound sleep. (Just warning you, make a noise from far away before approaching me or touching me in any way, or you are liable to give me a seizure, but you won’t see it because you’ll have two black eyes.) Oh wait, I'm rambling again.
All that being said, and now having you totally convinced that I would never, ever strike another personunless I needed to, I have to admit to a burning desire to smack a certain track coach. Seriously, I’m hanging my head in shame right now, but I want to hit her. Hard.
Yesterday the kids were off school forsome crazy-assed, made up holiday 'teacher in-service’ or something like that. Guess what time Girl #1 had to be at school for track practice? Guess. All right, you give up? She had to be there at 8:30AM. Did I take the day off to spend time with my kids so I could get up and drive her to school at 8:30AM? I’m guessing you know the answer to that question is NO.
Today is Saturday.
Saturday – n. Sat-ur-day - Commonly known as a day off from school and/or work, known for its charm, and loved for its offering of a day to sleep until you wake up naturally, on your own, feeling well-rested.
Guess what time Girl #2 had to be at school today for track practice? Give up? 7:00AM. Did you hear me? 7:00AM.
Now I ask you, is that nice? Would it not be possible, since both Girl #1 and Girl #2 go to the same school and run for the same track team, that they could both have practice at the same time? Is that illogical or unreasonable? Just askin’. Apparently the coach never sleeps, and therefore no one else should sleep either.
The topper, and the real reason why I feel so much love and gratitude for the track coachwho has been torturing me for years, is that spring break is coming up in just a couple of weeks. Our family has ALWAYS taken a vacation over spring break. Our family NEEDS a vacation at this time of year. Every one of us is ready to chew through the bars that contain us climbing the walls, and we’re not traveling this year.
Know why? Yes, you do, because you’re wise beyond your time. There are two track meets, important track meets, scheduled over spring break.STOP YOURSELF, YOU CONTROL FREAK, NAZI-LIKE TRACK COACH. You are controlling the universe. We can’t even get a long weekend in there because one meet is on Tuesday, and the other on Saturday, and there’s a track camp being held on the Wednesday and Thursday in between. WTF?
So, in an effort to control my urge to physically assault this woman, I am using my mental powers to send her an infernal itch in a place she cannot easily, or publicly, scratch.
All that being said, and now having you totally convinced that I would never, ever strike another person
Yesterday the kids were off school for
Today is Saturday.
Saturday – n. Sat-ur-day - Commonly known as a day off from school and/or work, known for its charm, and loved for its offering of a day to sleep until you wake up naturally, on your own, feeling well-rested.
Guess what time Girl #2 had to be at school today for track practice? Give up? 7:00AM. Did you hear me? 7:00AM.
Now I ask you, is that nice? Would it not be possible, since both Girl #1 and Girl #2 go to the same school and run for the same track team, that they could both have practice at the same time? Is that illogical or unreasonable? Just askin’. Apparently the coach never sleeps, and therefore no one else should sleep either.
The topper, and the real reason why I feel so much love and gratitude for the track coach
Know why? Yes, you do, because you’re wise beyond your time. There are two track meets, important track meets, scheduled over spring break.
So, in an effort to control my urge to physically assault this woman, I am using my mental powers to send her an infernal itch in a place she cannot easily, or publicly, scratch.
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25 comments:
That sucks. I am not allowing my kids to play organized sports until they're old enough to drive themselves to practice.
My family is the same way about our spring vacation. We NEED it. And no track meet could keep us from it.
I admire your self control... I'd probably have to hit her.
yeah... I'd hafta hit her too. I'd tell her sorry my kids can't make it, but we are going on vacation and you are not going to ruin it with a selfish track meet so you can make everyone miserable.
That's just me
You need to get one of those voodoo dolls and give her what for that way!!! ;)
(I thought that when school wasn't in session, they couldn't force a child to attend a practice. Isn't that illegal?)
Of course, the wrath of fury that would rain down on your child if you raised that point might not be worth it. =:o
Yep. That's high school sports. Water polo and Cheer are fall sports, so we can't do anything in August because that's when practices start.
Don't you have any friendly teenage drivers that might to make a little gas money by driving your girls? That's been my strategy for the early morning things--that or sending hubby!
Let me guess said track coach is unmarried and has no children!
I think I would have to remove my children from any activity that didn't meet my sleeping schedule. LOL
Rachel, I always said that, too. Never say never!
KekeLynn, What self control? I'm just a big, chickenshit. Well, actually, I'm not that big. The track coach can probably hurt me.
Dizzblnd, It's like Blu says, it would rain down holy hell on my kids if I took a stand.
Blu, where do I get a voodoo doll?
Jenn, my own girl will be driving soon enough. I just can't put her in the car with her friends yet, I'm so not ready for this!
Leah, she IS married with children. I know, I don't get it either.
She's evil and deserves to be smacked around. What kind of woman IS SHE to not realize us mommas need our SLEEP!
Where do you live again? Because you've clearly got a whoop-ass posse right here just itching to get our hands on her. We've got your back!
We've had psycho coaches before. I'm not sure what makes them think acting like a supreme sadistic dictator will make the kids perform better!
I'm a totally violent person so I've got your back. You give me a place and time, I'll take care of her for you.
Bloggus - You, a violent person? I cannot believe what horrors I am hearing!
I am so with you on smacking her into the middle of next week for wrecking your weekend and spring break, 'though - That is not good. Has she no home life?
...Be careful what you wish for, 'though dear wonderful Bloggus Nuttus - The thoughts we put out there into the universe can often manifest themselves in deeds... An itch you can't scratch is not such a terrible thing to wish for someone 'though!
I hope you can find someway around this torment and torture, short of doing her in! If you get put in jail/gaol, I can arrange for a file to be secreted in a cake if that helps? That still works, right?! I'll write to you too, of course all the letters from you will not ever get through the censor because of the language, so I'd be sad about that... Be good, and if you can't be good, be careful! Love x
Donnetta, A devilwoman.
Sassy Britches, I live just this side of sanity.
Melissa, ...and yet, it does seem to work for them.
Cate, I forgot about that. You ARE a violent person.
Fhina, You are so right. I am not a violent person. I stand ashamed for releasing violent thoughts into the universe and you are right to remind me. I really DO wish her the worst of all itches in the best of all places, though.
I truly appreciate your willingness to slip me a file should I come to need one, but I doubt very much that will be necessary. I really just needed a good rant. xo Lady Fhi, as always.
I thought you were wanting to smack someone else we both know. I was all excited!
Man, I hope I never tick you off, especially when I have to be out in public!
I hate having an itch I can't scratch publicly.
Oh, for Pete's sake, Chris! If I was going to hit him, I would've done it by now. I learned to dismiss him about 15 minutes after I started working for him.
Sherri, you could never really tick me off.
Do you know anyone who might jack up the track meet dates? That would guarantee you free access for spring break.
Okay, just teasing!
(PS - You cracked me up with your comment on my blog, girl.)
I can't get your e-mail to work!!
Glad we don't have to post your bail. ;)
Sounds frustrating.
Wow; I can relate...
When my daughter was in high school, the "cheer coach" (aka cheerleading) was the same way. No breaks, no vacations allowed, practices that went on for hours and all such insanity. I wanted to smack her silly too.
I bet in Europe where people value their vacation time and take it (far more than we do in the US), you'd never find b.s. like this going on.
I admire your ability to live through this; writing about it probably helps.
BTW, I'm celebrating One Year in the Blogosphere with a special 2-day Sx3 today and tomorrow. The winner gets a $50 Tar-Jay Gift Card. Please say you'll play!
Smack her? No. I think you need to put a cap in her ass.
Oooooh... I'll come do it for you. I've got ol' Sluggo at the ready... you know... for in case we get to go back in time and all. But I can use it on a track coach. No prob.
Man. I'm not a violent person either. You're a questionable influence, my friend.
Janie, it can't be done.
JCK, I have a special savings account for that. You know? Just in case.
Kate, It's all good. I'll get to the beach eventually.
Melissa, I' will check it out.
Cheri, That's naughty!
Diane, I've been called worse!
Great\ we get our kids to be active, to get out and get away from the TV, the video games, etc. and this is what we get in repayment? this coach seriously needs a talking to, Seriously, I would gather some of the other parents and let him know how you feel. It's really not right.
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