All right, dammit! I'm up. It's a crying shame that you have to be the very first thing I hear or see every single stupid morning. Are you happy with this little arrangement that we have?
You know 'our arrangement' where you get to sit there on my nightstand, mocking me until I want to cry and/or poke my eyes out, every morning? Yes, that one. The deal where you start your incessant beeping and jeering after I have been asleep for about 22 minutes. The one where, upon being rudely dredged from what is finally a deep sleep, I am forced to slap the living shit out of the snooze button and pray for another 9 minutes of angry-at-you sleep.
I realize that my issue of waking up every friggin' night is my own problem, but you seem to take great pleasure in waiting until I finally drift off to sleep again to suddenly pounce on me and eat my face. YOU ARE MEAN AND YOU ARE NOT HELPING ME. NOT AT ALL.
Although you may be an alarm clock in this life, I happen to believe that you were a death row prison guard in a former life. And your next life? You’re going to be the Devil, himself. Why else would you take such great pleasure in making me miserable every morning? Seriously, it explains everything.
So yes, I freely admit to having an unnatural hatred for an inanimate object. It's only crazy if you think about it too long; so don't do that. Just do me a favor and ease your way over to the other side of the nightstand and pitch your sorry ass right out the window, 'cause next time I slap the snooze button, I'm going to do it with a Louisville Slugger. We'll see who's laughing then. photo site
Posts
24 comments:
I am waiting for my coffee...my vision is blurry...I haven't even read everything in this post...all I know is, you wrote it at 5:45am? You are not human. You are super human.
I think they also have a frequency that invades our brain during slumber that makes you wake up 20 minutes before it goes off, too
If we should ever meet, remind me never to wake you after a nap or anything.
You mean business, don't you?
Mr. Blognut needs to bring you coffee every morning.
OR! Follow this 5-step program:
1. Get an iPhone boyfriend
2. Make an Adam Lambert ringtone (I can help you!)
3. Set the alarm in the iPhone boyfriend
4. Wake up to Adam Lambert singing every day
5. Live a lifetime of happy wake-ups
Of course, I get to wake up to the actual Adam Lambert singing because he is my husband and there's nothing the California Supreme Court can do about that particular marriage.
I have the same hatred for my blender so I completely understand.
You know Slugger and I are at the ready, darlin'... say the word and I'm in your bedroom, ready to open a can of whoop-ass on that damned clock... I did it to mine... I can do it to yours!
Maybe you were the death row prison guard and the alarm clock was the inmate. Payback sucks.
LOL...and that is why I don't have one of those mocky things in my room. Oh and the fact I don't need one I get up with the chickens any way...go to bed with the chickens too.!
I reckon Hell will be a room full of ringing alarm clocks that have no snooze function, no off button, no power source and all have a single ring tone which is the 24 ring tone that drives all crazy enough in life.
I have 3 by my bed. I think 2 are broken and I'M HAPPY ABOUT THAT.
I seriously set my alarm at least 30 minutes before I intend to get up (makes my hubby CRAZY) and I also have a system where I have all the clocks in the house set at random times so that I am never quite sure what time it is - so I am too scared and manage to make it to work on time
A simple alarm is no match for me!
Cartoon baseball bat taken to a cartoon alarm clock...It may be time time for the cartoon straight jacket.
Gudnuff - You don't want to be looking at my post times very closely then. Sometimes I write 'em at 3:30am, and you can be assured, I don't write anything that isn't completely nuts at that time of day!
Dizz - Yeah! WTF?
Sherri - You can wake me, you just want to make sure that you're standing pretty far back when you do it.
Cheri - I've considered the whole cell phone ringtone alarm thing, but here's my fear: I LOVE my phone. I would HATE to HATE my phone for waking me up.
Cate - I really have to ask why you hate your blender.
Diane - You are my hero! You AND your bat.
Wanda - Nope, not me. I'm really not the death row or the killing type. However, if I thought they needed killing, I'd just kill 'em today and not make 'em wait 20 years.
Dar - THERE YOU ARE! Where the heck have you been? I've been worried about you. I was about to call 911 and send them to you.
Mo - That realy would be hell.
Suzy - I'm thinking that the 2 broken clocks are serving as a warning to the 1 that works.
Michel - I do that, too. No two clocks in my house are in agreement.
CB - Either that or it's time for a cartoon therapist. :)
I think I just fell in love with my iHome that wakes me up and I can't figure out why...maybe the thought of being woken up by your evil jail-warden-turned-alarm-clock?
I use my cell phone alarm. Can't toss that sucker, unfortunately
Oh, I HEAR YOU on this one, Hon! I set both my alarm and my cell phone. I push snooze MANY times before I drag my a*& out of bed! It's a painful process SINCE, I, like you, feel like I just get to sleep when I'M RUDELY AWAKENED!
Here's to weekends of sleeping from 5 am until 10 am!
One more week until your vacation! Whoop! Whoop!
This is your alarm clock.
You hurt my feelings.
Also, IT'S TIME TO GET UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why you gotta hate me?
Priceless, and gorgeously written Bloggus Dreamus!
You and I, and I would guess, Diane, all loving our pits, and hating being woken up before it seems like we ought to be!
Take care this weekend, and have a good week, my darling younger sis'! xox
I try to remind myself that the next step (after throwing the alarm clock across the room) is to make coffee... oh, and I do LOVE coffee. It's pretty much the only thing that convinces me to get up each morning. ;)
I feel your pain. Thankfully (or maybe not) Junior wakes up at 6:45, which means no alarm clock is necessary. Sometimes I don't remember showering. Sigh. I miss sleeping past 7.
Sadly, I usually wake up before the alarm. I think it rings once or twice a month. It has more to do with being a practiced insomniac than actually not wanting to get up. At a point, it is just time to get up already.
I have had thoughts of crushing the clock with a bat. If only I could then sleep through the night.
Post a Comment