You're dying to know what I did this weekend, aren't you?
Of course you are, because it's my blog and I can write whatever I want, and so I will pretend that you are interested and it would be nice if you would wipe that disinterested look off your face and humor me a little bit.
Never mind. I saved a baby bird today. Dar will be so proud of me, because she's always doing that bird rescuing thing. Not that I did it the way she does it. Not at all. In fact, in all honesty, I didn't do a thing.
There was a baby cardinal that fell into my window well and my daughters and I tried to reach down there and get him, but it's too deep. So, after belly crawling through the rose bushes to try and get to the little guy, and getting myself pricked and scraped from head to toe, I had a streak of absolute brilliance. GO INTO THE BASEMENT AND OPEN THE WINDOW TO GET THE BIRD OUT. (Insert "Duh" here.) Nobody ever said I wasn't a moron.
So there I was at the basement window all ready to get the bird. Except for one thing... birds creep me out a little. I mean, I don't want the little fella' to die, but I don't really want to touch him either. So I grabbed a towel from behind the bar, opened the window, and threw the towel over the bird to trap him so I could pick him up. Only... I still couldn't pick him up. Even wrapped in the towel, he creeped me out a little.
So I called Barb, my neighbor up the street. In our house, whenever there is something you can't quite bring yourself to do, you call Barb. I call Barb a lot when Mr. Blognut isn't home and she always comes.
And did Barb save that bird? You bet she did. She reached right in there and got the little birdie, took him outside, and put him under the tree where his mama lives.
And now you are wondering why the title of my post says I saw Jesus, right? Let me just tell you that I was messing around in the firewood and I reached in there and nearly picked up the biggest, fugliest, mother-humping spider with forty-seven eyeballs and more fur than a brown bear on it, that I have ever seen. By 'nearly picked up', I mean that I reached out and picked up the piece of wood where he was crawling and came within mere inches of his mother-humping fugliness.
THAT is when I saw Jesus.
Right before I blacked out.
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10 hours ago
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24 comments:
You're hilarious. I know I say that every. damn. time. I comment, but it's true.
What did Jesus look like? Did He say anything?
47-eyed spiders are the reason why I a) am not happy and b) never go near firewood, bushes, woodland...
Birds creep me out a little bit too. I think I would have grabbed the thing with my hands but I wouldn't have enjoyed it. Everyone needs a Barb.
I was thinking about Dar when I saw your post title. She WOULD be proud.
Told you there was an egg sack somewhere ;)
She - He told me to repent... obviously. :)
Mo - Everyone DOES need a Barb, but they can't have mine.
Dizz - You're trying to send me scurrying off to therapy, aren't you?
LOL, yes Dar will still be proud of you for having ARRANGED to rescue the birdie.
As to the 47 eyed spider, where was the odd one located... right in the middle of his hairy little forehead! Just asking.
Did Jesus mention anything about traveling to SO. Illinois? You know it's like HEAVEN here, don't you? And we'll have the area sprayed for spiders before you come. We don't have ANY bugs here...or rodents...okay, now I need to repent.
You are too witty when you're writing, I want to hear it for myself. From your lips to my EARS!
*ANd, I feel the same way about birds. They're beautiful and I don't want one to die, but I couldn't touch one either. And also have a neighbor (DJ) who does all my "dirty work". SHe's awesome!
Even the thought of spiders creeps me out!!!
Barb is Jesus. You are Jesus.
The spider? ACK!
I'm so going to email you my spider story.
ACK!
Don't worry.. I will start a fund to help you pay for it all. I'm not ALL bad
Oh goodness. Birds showing up at windows can mean something momentous. I don't really know what, exactly, in specific cases but that's been my experience. Maybe that's just because I am from the South. And well, you know the saying, scratch a Southerner, find a mystic. If you are not southern-born and no one has administered the "oath" (raise right hand repeat to guitar strumming "praise the Lord, I saw the light" --- credit Mr. Hank Williams), you may well be immune.
I had a bug encounter this weekend but no Jesus-sighting. I feel slighted.
Now THAT was gooooood :)))
Dude! you are sooo hilarious!
ps birds creep me out too! I don't want them to die, i just don't want them near me. Flying rodents
Jane - The odd eye was on the top of his head.
Sherri - He didn't mention it, but I'm sure he was thinking about it.
KekeLynn - Yeah, I hear ya'.
Cheri - Ack AND Blech.
Dizz - No, you're not all bad at all.
Glimmer - Crap. Is it a good momentous, or a bad one?
Cate - I'm sure he was there, you just didn't see him.
Braja - What? The bird? Or, the Spider? Or Jesus?
Michel - It's their beady little eyes and their pointy little beaks. They're just creepy, Dude!
Waaaaaay too much nature. I mean, really, that there is a whole lotta nature for one weekend. And when you blacked out you were probably LYING DOWN on top of even MORE nature. Ewwww!
You know birds creep me out, too, right? Ick.
Did Jesus snicker at you for being a scared spider weenie? I bet he did.
Wow! I was expecting you to say you gave the bird mouth to mouth or something and Jesus burst through the clouds to thank you. But I like the "Even wrapped in the towel, he creeped me out a little" MUCH better. So funny. (Sorry to hear about the spider. EEEEeeeekk!)
I know a lot of people are afraid of birds even if I don't understand it, but the spider was funnier than shit. I'm not sure if I would have seen Jesus or what... but I probably would have blacked out too.
Hate fug-ugly, 47eyed spiders... especially those that hump their mothers. EEEEwwwww...
Great post.
Helen G.
I once save a WESTERN TANANGER from a cat had the bird sit on my foot
thank goodness for Barb! But you were smart enough to know how to get to him.
Birds sometimes get into our house because we tend to leave doors open (dog habit), and because our windows are so big, they get trapped, trying to fly out through the glass instead of turning around and going back out the doors.
Birds creep me out too. You know they're really dinosaurs, right? Just little tiny ones.
A baby bird flew onto my head when I was about 5. Long enough for my cousin to run into the house, get a camera and take a picture. She sent a copy to me recently. The bird is fuzzy but it is definitely there, sitting on my head.
My hair was corkscrew curly and I fought having it brushed. My mother called it a bird's nest even before the bird episode. I am very glad, Blognut, that you did not have a voodoo mother calling birds down on your head. You wouldn't even be here now.
If you are in pain ..I would not hesitate about acupuncture at all. Not for a second. It is a very old tried and true method of healing but..I would certainly find someone well qualified..just as you would any physician.
~Smiles~
Mona
In my case, the bird presaged a new husband and a baby, as I storified in a long, twisty, gothic tale in my blog. But really that's only because a bird sat on my head as a child. If that didn't happen, you are immune to bird-altering events.
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