WHAT THE HELL'S IN MY MOUTH?
I'm going to be whining for the next two years and that's all I have to say about it. I'm far too old to get braces of any sort, and frankly, I think some of you should have warned me about it before we got to this point. You all seem to have forgotten that the entire purpose of this blog is to provide me with needed guidance. Blognuts should not make decisions for themselves, and should be left lounging about eating grapes and drinking wine while the rest of the world takes care of all the hard stuff.
I mean, really, whose day was it to watch me?
My mouth is ten kinds of hurty and I am pretty sure that my teeth are swollen. Also? I'm starving to friggin' death. In a way, I suppose that is a good thing, but if this keeps up the whole time I have this torture device of Satan's own design stuck on my teeth, I will weigh 12 pounds.
So... here's how you can make it up to me. 'Cause, really, if I could get this, I would reconsider the incessant whining. I promise, 'k?
Can you hook me up?
Update: You know Jane is totally gonna let me win the contest now because she will feel sorry for me and my hurtiness. That lady has a heart of gold.
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32 comments:
Joe had braces a couple of years ago. He definitely struggled with the idea of having them as an adult but all I can say is that since having them removed, he's never regretted it. His funky teeth no longer look British.
You don't want to look British now, do you?
I don't remember those toothache drops being that cheap...! yeah, you better see if you can get some of those....
As for your situation right now...teething remedies, like NUMZIT worked for me, back when...and aspirin.
;o)
Toothache drops with COCAINE! How insanely fabulous.
Maybe you should eat some corn on the cob and then top that off with candied apples. That always worked for me.
CATE It isn't so much that I don't want to look British as it is that I don't want to look like Mr. Ed.
OPEN HEART The point is for someone to get those drops FOR me. Can you hook me up? (Dear FBI Narcotics Agent currently reading my blog: JUST KIDDING! NOT LOOKING FOR ILLEGAL DRUGS.)
BETH Hmmm... are you teasing me? 'Cause I can pop these torture devices off and eat corn if I want to, 'though candied apples never did much for me before so I don't expect them to help now. :)
Big AL would probably send his friend Vic A. Din your way- they're leftovers- he's trying to go cold turkey!
Kudos for you for doing that FOR YOU. I admire adults who can inflict pain upon themselves. Two years piece of cake... well maybe not cake right now..but in a week you should be okay to eat soft food.. lol sorry! Time will fly by and then we will all need shades to see those pearly white straight teeth
Rudey has some meds I can send you..Almost killed her last night but I think you could handle them better! I know she won't ever take another one again...rough, rough, rough night!
Feel better blognut!
SHERRI Any of friend of Big Al's is a friend of mine! Send that Vic. A Din guy right on over. (Dear FBI Narcotics Agent currently reading my blog: STILL JUST KIDDING. MUST YOU BE SO UPTIGHT?)
DAR Sorry Rudey is still struggling. However, if she has meds that she's not using, I'm willing to give it a shot. (Dear FBI Narcotics Agent currently reading my blog: GEEZ! CAN'T A PERSON MAKE A JOKE?)
Are you serious? 12 pounds! I am on my way to the kid's orthodontist right now!
Ummm Blognut. I gots my braces back in the day (when we were supposed to do so..where the hell were you?) Anyway, I hate to break this to you: eventually you get used to it and you eat and eat whatever the hell you want.
The mockery though? That doesn't fade.
I will still be your friend though. I was your friend even though you have blue fuzzy hair - and that's saying something b/c I'm pretty shallow.
When my son's braces were put on he was so miserable I bribed him to stop whinning. I think I gave him 20 bucks.
Someone in your house needs to give you a present to take your mind off the pain. It gets better in a few days.
CHIEF Just put some duct tape over your mouth. It will hurt less.
MICHEL I was right there wanting braces just like the rest of you. And of course I know that you are shallow, it's what I like best about you. And my braces? Are invisible. Mock away!
PHST So... you're gonna send me $20? 'Cause, seriously, that would help. (Dear FBI Extortion and Money Laundering Agent: I am just kidding. She is not sending me money and I probably wouldn't take it if she did.) (PHST We'll talk.)
If you take enough of those, you grind those braces off in about 30 seconds.
So I've been told.
Good for you for going for it!!! You will so be happy you did in the long run. Give it two weeks. I know that's alot of soup, but soon you will be able to manage just about anything!
All I have to say it Tylenol. . .(2hours later). . motrin. . .(2 hours) tylenol. . .repeat.
Hang in there!
COMEDY GODDESS A chance I will take! (Dear FBI Narcotics Agent currently reading my blog: Shut the fuck up!)
AMY Soup? Blech.
Well I guess Cocaine would be an instananeous cure. . . for more than one condition!
You know what I am thinking when a woman asks"What the hell is in my mouth"? LMAO!
I toyed with the idea of adult braces, but once they told me I needed 2 teeth pulled before they could start, I nixed the idea.
Although, I gladly tortured my kids with them.
Cocaine, is the best! (From what I've heard)
Dear FBI Narcotics Agent: I know where she lives, but I'm not going to tell you, otherwise I won't get to sleep under the wrestler. And I so can't wait to do that!
Dear Blognut: Hang in there! You are loved, and I'm sorry I didn't warn you about the braces. It's just that I didn't know, either, since I've never had any. I think it was Blogthismom's turn to watch out for you, though, so I'm taking myself off the hook!
Those drops sound mighty tasty!! My tooth broke in half the other day - so far no pain... not going for the drill until I have too!
Love,
Kelly
Ooo nice. And for 15 cents?? What a bargain.
Mmmmm....cocaine drops.....
And wait a minute: I'm not your everything adviser anymore????
Wait...
I was last week, midday until 6pm.
I think it was their turn ------>
Crumbs, only 15 cents, just think of the profit you could make by reselling on the street.
I hated braces when I was a teenager, can't imagine them now in my 40's - OUCH.
I hope your swelling goes down....
Ahhhh, the good old days before the FDA moved in.
Sorry about the pain; check with your dentist to be sure they're fitted right.
LIZ I was kinda thinking that, too. :)
OTIN I would have been disappointed if you hadn't said that; it's SO YOU!
LISA Those cocaine drops would probably help with the teeth pulling, too.
SHE I have to check the 'people-who-watch-me' schedule and get back to you on that. Frankly, I think the fault may lie with Diane on this one. It was a Friday and that is usually her day. However, today is Sunday, and that is your day so you better git crackin'!
KELLY ARGH! Broke in half? OMG.
WHISPERING WRITER That's what I was thinking. ;)
BRAJA I've been running completely amok while you were on vacation!
MATTHEW Way to take responsibility, dude!
MO Reselling? Well, okay then! (Dear FBI Narcotics Agent currently reading my blog: You DO know that I know better than to resell drugs on the street, right? And if I did (not saying I do) have drugs, I'd be keeping them for myself.)
LMB I think you'd hate them just as much now!
JANE You forgot to say whether or not the hurty teeth would make you want to let me win the contest. You meant to say that, right?
Really? You got braces? I'm going to do that too and I'm also no teenager! I'm so fired up that you're wearing them. :)
I'm going to Bogota tomorrow. I should have some by next week, oh wait, I can't go, I have a dental appt. sorry
I'm going to Bogota tomorrow. I should have some by next week, oh wait, I can't go, I have a dental appt. sorry
You poor little thing.
To cheer you up, I'll tell you what immediately came to mind when I read your story.
When my now-nearly 30 year old niece was around 8, someone gave her a brownie.
To this day, we still repeat what she said when she realized there was something she didn't like in the brownies.
She wailed, "I'VE GOT A NUT IN MY MOUTH!"
She'll never live that down.
;)
Liquor, baby. I suggest Margaritas... great big, friggin' Margaritas!
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