Death by PowerPoint

So… I had to go to a training meeting.

A six-hour meeting,
that tested the limits of my patience,
and took me beyond the outer perimeters of my sanity.

Where the speakers were clearly getting paid by the word,
and they read every word of their PowerPoint presentation to me
right off the screen that I could clearly see for myself,
on the wall right in front of me
or on the hand-out they provided to me.

And I, the round-headed blue Bloggus
could not find a strong cell signal in the entire godforsaken room.
My MotoQ was rendered impotent
and I was completely without entertainment
until I realized the gift I had been given.
The gift of time and weird people.

I was left with no choice
but to look around the room
and notice things I should never have seen.
Like the fact that the woman next to me hasn’t shaved her legs in a week,
and the man with the perfect hair,
if it’s 1970.

And when I ran out of people to silently make fun of
I turned to the voices in my head
because that’s always fun, too.
Don’t try to hear them,
they only speak to me.

The worst thing about the meeting?
They didn’t even have Diet Pepsi.
Effers.