Five Fourth-Grade Homework Lessons

I realize that the title of this post is somewhat misleading. You were thinking, maybe, that we were going to talk about five things that a fourth-grader might study, right?

Wrong.

We have no actual idea what it is that a fourth-grader actually studies and/or what said fourth-grader is actually supposed to learn.

Oh, no, we do not know. We do, however, have a very deep and painful understanding of what it is we, the parents, actually learn during the fourth-grade homework process.

For example:

1. We have learned that a studying fourth-grader can actually fall right out of his chair. And bounce. Fourth-graders bounce.

2. We have evidence that fourth-graders are much more highly skilled arguers than they are mathematicians.

3. We have seen that all fourth-grade math, in order to be successfully completed, (where ‘successfully completed’ equals ‘filling in the blanks’ as opposed to being answered correctly), MUST be preceded by two hours and forty-five minutes of whining and arguing.

4. We have learned that free-reading time, to a fourth-grader, is measured on a different sort of clock; a clock where one minute of standard time equals ten minutes of fourth-grader reading time. And that said fourth-grader will lie like hell on his reading log, and then ask you to sign it.

5. We know that a fourth-grader, while reading an assigned article about Dr. Samuel Kountz, Jr., a pioneer in organ transplantation, will discover that he cannot actually lick his elbow, but that it is fun to try.

I wonder what fifth grade will teach me.