Even Anderson Cooper Comes With Red Flags

So… I gots me this friend, we’ll call her Louise. Because she sounds like Susan Sarandon, so we’re going with that, that’s why, and what do you care what we call her anyhow? Geez.

No, you can’t call me Thelma. You already know who I am. You can just keep on calling me Blognut. (Although, now that I think about it, I do bear a striking resemblance to Geena Davis; only I'm not tall, and I'm round, and blue, and I have googly eyes. Other than that, we look just alike.)

Now where was I? Oh yeah, Louise. Well, Louise got herself a date with… well, with Anderson Cooper, only he’s not gay… and they had a great time. He was nice, thoughtful, funny, a good conversationalist, and very, very sexy. (Ok, yeah, that last word was mine, but that’s just how I see it because…hello, Anderson Cooper makes me weak.)

Louise really liked the guy and she didn't spot any of the usual red flags that reveal themselves when you meet someone like Anderson Cooper. So now I need your help, fellow readers, because I have charged myself with the task of coming up with a perfect little quiz carefully designed to reveal Anderson Cooper’s red flags – only I don’t have the first clue what questions to put on the quiz because I have been with Mr. Blognut since I was twenty and everything I once knew about dating, which was exactly nothing, is long gone. Also, because Mr. Blognut has no mysterious underpinnings at all, I am well familiar with every one of his red flags. Every.single.one.of.them.

Anyway, this is about Anderson Cooper, not about Mr. Blognut.

Here’s what I have so far:

How many pairs of shoes do you have? If you have more than four, please describe each pair and explain its purpose, because I need to know if you are really that vain, or you’re just active in several different sports. (Or, if you are a cross-dresser, you can stop here and go on home now.) (Unless Louise likes that sort of thing, then you can stay.) Really, Louise?

Boxers or briefs? Why?

What do you wear to bed? A night shirt, pajamas, or just a smile? (And if the answer is night shirt, you can go on home now.) (Unless Louise likes that sort of thing, then you can stay.) Really, Louise?

Let’s say your dishwasher and your TV broke down at the same time and you could only afford to replace one of them right away. Which would you choose, and why?

Swim trunks or Speedo? (And if it’s Speedo, you can go on home now.) (Unless Louise likes that sort of thing, then you can stay.) Really, Louise?

Let's say you have a whole weekend to spend with Louise, do you take her to a wine tasting festival, or a tractor pull?

Do you have regular curtains or blinds on your windows, or a Conferate flag? (And if it's a Conferate flag, you can go on home now.) (Unless Louise likes that sort of thing, then you can stay.) Really, Louise?

Okay, that's all I have so far – now your job is to leave a question designed to reveal red flags and/or fatal flaws in my comments so we can protect Louise like a proper friend would do.