Someone once told me that if you have a fat dog, you’re probably fat, too.
Frick.
I have two fat dogs.
So I took my fattest dog, Lewis, for a walk the other night and kicked both our double-fat asses for a few miles before returning home to watch him attempt to drown himself in a bowl of water. He seemed grateful for the walk and for the water, so I took him again last night. And even though my double-fat dog is kind of naughty sometimes, he tends to be a pretty good listener out in the park, so I let him off the leash to sniff around the pond and check out the scents. He likes to get a good snoot full of goose poop as often as he can, and although I do not understand this one bit, I no longer try to fight it.
There was one problem though; one teensy-weensy little problem that may land me in bad neighbor jail. My dog ran ahead of me about 30 feet and decided to build himself a little poo cabin five feet off the path. I marked this spot with my big, round, googly eyes, but when I got there with my little clean-up bag, I could not find the poop. I searched everywhere for the poop. It isn’t that I like collecting it or anything, it’s just that I know I have a responsibility to pick it up and I was perfectly willing to comply. But the poop? Was gone.
Secretly, I was elated. I mean, hadn’t I done my part by at least looking for the poop? It isn’t like I didn’t try to find it. I tried. So I looked around, all sneaky-like, to check for observers and finding a few, I made a big showing of unfurling the poopy collection bag from my pocket and scooping up… air.
What? I had to make it look good, I live here and I walk in that park nearly every day.
Well, okay, not every day, or I wouldn’t have two fat dogs and a double-fat ass, but that was not my point.
My point was that my dog has invisible ghost poop.
A Tale of Two Sisters
3 hours ago
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17 comments:
I'm laughing just thinking of you scooping up nothing. I don't even want to think about where it went.
Whenever my cats throw up (I have 5, yeah, 5) my dog eats it. I used to try and stop her, but then I thought "Am I Insane??" Don't look a gifthorse and all that.
I would TOTALLY pretend to scoop the poop. Also, I really wish my cats had ghost poop. That would be awesome. Does it also smell like roses, I wonder?
I think Lewis should be on Twitter.
Then he could tweet when he feels a poop coming on and you could have the bag ready to go right away, and not lose the poop while you're unfurling and stuff.
So. Where did the poop go? This is a Scooby-sized mystery.
Did Lewis eat the poop? I had to ask. I don't know why. But, trust me, I had to ask. I mean, if Lewis likes a snoot full of goose poop, why not dog poop?
Never mind. I'll let myself out the back door, where there won't be any little poop cabins for me to step in because they magically disappear with Lewis around.
Pseudopoop - my favorite kind.
LOL! My Chihuahua's poo is like little Tootsie Rolls and sometimes I can't find hers either. At least yours is invisible.
MAUREEN, I was thinking the same thing. If the dog wants to eat cat puke, I can't say I'd complain about it.
CATE, No. It does not smell like roses. It smells like invisible dog poop.
CHERI, he's been known to eat dog poop a time or two. Usually when it's frozen - we call it poopsicles.
IDGTM, Mine, too!
JAYNE, My dogs are big. If someone steps in one of those invisible poop piles, they're going to be unhappy. :)
Air is so much cleaner than poop though... I think I would have done exactly the same thing - in fact the thought of scooping dog poop is putting me off my lunch... I think I'd rather have a big fat ass and big fat dogs ;0)
Oh I am dying here! I am laughing so hard my stomach hurts! Scooping air!! Gotta love it!
Hugs
SueAnn
Good grief, the ability to produce ghost poop is an incredible gift. You should enter him into a talent contest.
ROTF! As a person with a fat CAT and a double fat ass, I can appreciate your sense of moral obligation. Oh, and thanks for the morally obligated poop-scooping. Lawn enthusiusts everywhere are cheering!
Invisible poop? That is amazing. Or maybe the poop police were out in the park that day?
文章很棒~感謝!!..................................................
OMG! Hilarious! My cats are so overweight! I suppose I need to check out my ass!
That is a talented dog. And obviously, you are an amazingly clever woman. Can your dog teach my dog to have more invisible poop? His is very much visible...
So, is that why I'm fat? It's Jack's fault!!
You may be onto something big: Faux Poop Scooping.
That old saying is not true. Know how I know?? My dog is skinny. He runs with Josh. I'm not "skinny."
Also, there is an official 30 second poop search rule. if you can't find it in 30 seconds, you're allowed to call off the search...just like the police do when you are lost on a mountain. Also, i find it is probably a good rule of thumb to check your shoe (because that is inevitably where I find it....)
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