My tummy is all hurt-y and I want my mama. Well, actually, that is not true. I want someone else’s mama that would actually be nice to me and hold me, and maybe even pet my hair. Please send me one right now if you have one.
Who knew that trying to quit smoking would lead to more eating? And why didn’t anyone tell me I would be hungry all the time even though I didn’t quit all the way yet because that whole stressful work thing happens to me, like, every day, and makes me really need to have a cigarette at nighttime when no one is looking. (It doesn’t count, Judgey McJudgerson.) (Nothing counts if no one sees.) (Duh.)
And then some other stressful stuff that can only be cured with beef happened to me and, combined with my lower-nicotine-level-induced, hungry-all-the-time, need for extra food, I found myself eating multiple cheeseburgers over the last couple of days. And now? I’m being attacked by The Not-Even-Real-Beef Gods so my tummy is unhappy and evicting its contents with alarming and explosive frequency because blognuts can not handle this much grease even though it makes us really darn happy to try.
And oh my God!!! Do you think I have Ebola? Or Ecola? Or whatever it is they call it when beef makes your innards turn to juice and run for the nearest exit?
Can someone please research this illness for me and tell me if I’m going to die. And make sure you send me your mama if she is going to be useful to me in a mama sort of way, okay?
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1 day ago
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17 comments:
Dude. I would send you my mama, but I like you.
Also? Whattup with the burger thing? The last time I ate one during a time of stressful stuff that can only be cured with beef I became Sicky McSickerson. I haven't had one since. When you've recovered from the Ebola/Ecola, perhaps you'll want to meet my friends The Truffle Fries. They work nicely during times of stress or just for fun.
Oh dear!! Your must try sugar free candies. That might help your hunger cravings? That is what I didn't do and I gained a lot of weight when I quit. And since you don't want to do that...you need to find sugar free alternatives or exercise. I know...bad words here!!
Sorry!
And my mama wouldn't be of much help to you. She doesn't have a mothering bone in her body!! HA!
Hugs
SueAnn
Good Luck!
Mad Cow Disease, perhaps?
What am I, your health adviser?
Look, I'm happy to apply for the role. Shall I send my CV?
You sure don't want MY mama. I'm beginning to wonder if the good ones even exist anymore.
Sorry about all the sick and ick. I'm going to blame Canada somehow for the beef. I haven't blamed them for anything in a few days and I'm pretty sure that means they think I've let my guard down so they're acting up again.
Feel better!
I quit smoking 6 months before I ACTUALLY quit. I didn't use candies. I just drank LOTS of coffee (even though it tasted weird without smoking... it still tastes weird). Fight the good fight. You can do it. Lay off the cheeseburgers though or you will keep smoking because you're stressed AND chubby. I gained 20lbs... it was awful. Then I joined a gym (because I can actually breath now) and all was good with the world. Good Luck!
Oh.. and I'd send you my mama, but you don't want her. She is VERY unsympathetic to the plights of others. She was a stone in another life I think.
Oh, I'm sorry! I won't send you my mama, cuz that would suck, but I would take wondrful care of you myself if I could.
Fluids, even if they don't stay down, keep trying. Being dehydrated makes every other symptom ten times worse! Nurses orders!
Try fat-free ice cream fudge bars... trying to avoid brain freeze distracts you from the craving. Though honestly, I always ate fries. Maybe because they were shaped like cigs and it satisfied the whole hand to mouth thing?
You'll be fine. This is just one of the many prices one must pay to quit smoking. And I'm so going to copy the term, "Judgy McJudgerson."
Kudos to you for trying to quit! My FIL has been here for the last few weeks and I'm getting a little tired of having him share his cigarettes with me.
Holy crap!! I finally have a mission to help someone with my webmd skills.. AND the symptoms are familiar to me....very familiar!
You either have ebola..or gas. Could go either way. I recommend Adderall followed by Xanax and Abilify (I've been wondering what that does. Let me know what happens to you -- would you??)
You can't smoke blognut!! OR, if you feel you MUST smoke, you have to at least get some sort of alcohol there too..smoking is sooo 1998...dooy!
I will spare you my mother... seriously, you won't need her!!
Yeah, my mom would be no help either. AT ALL.
And as to giving up smoking? Hardest thing I ever did. Gained 20pounds which everyone tells you will happen. And I would open my wallet and think "where did all this money come from?"
To this day I know if I pick up a cig I'm doomed. It took me 2 full years to quit so I can't risk it again. But if there's someone walking down the street and they're smoking? I walk behind them so I can get the exhale!
I don't think you have E-Coli - just a horrible tummy ache that will go away when you do a number
2. I would love to send my mama over to you..but I'm not sure she would be good for your mental health.
I have a wonderful mama, but she isn't the type who holds you and pets your head, so I guess I'll just keep her - she'll be of no use to you at the moment. ;)
Hope you start feeling better. Maybe you just need to drink more coffee - not only might it help to ease you out of one addiction and into another, but I think that if you make it strong enough it will kill whatever is hurting your tummy!
Jewels' Mom sounds kinda strange and she is so funny about her - Gave me a little chortle there...
Listen, I'm probably old enough to be mother, or at least older sister, as we know, to the two of you (and three, including Diane!), so I'm going to be so over there by around Tuesday, if you can just do a little jiggery-management-pokery over at Bumblefuck and wire me the dosherooney... No probs...
See you then, save a seat on the couch for me?
;) xxx
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