I’m beginning to think that blognuts age overnight. I went to bed last night feeling perfectly youthful, where “youthful” means some number in the early forties, but relatively healthy for that number. And that number is a matter of perspective, right? I mean, I know when I was, say, ten, forty sounded like something just shy of Alaskan cruises and shuffleboard. But now? It doesn’t sound so bad at all. Forties are the new thirties, right?
I said, “Right?” Clearly that is your cue to say something supportive, like, “Oh, Blognut, you’re not old. Why, you’ve never looked younger!”
Thank you, this will help you to stay on my good side; and you know how cranky we become as we age, so my good side is where you’ll want to be.
And even though I want to hear all of that, I still know you are lying. ‘Cause that aging overnight thing? It’s starting to happen to me.
I woke up really old today. Seriously. I was puffy under my googly eyes, my cheery, blue color was off, and my whole body felt like I’d been pulled through a knothole. Raise your hand if you know that feeling. But, yeah, raise it nice and slow-like, ‘cause I don’t want you pulling a muscle or tearing your rotator cuff with all that physical activity.
After slowly dragging my tired, old ass out of my Craftmatic adjustable bed, (no, not really), and easing my creaking joints (yes, really) into a pair of running shoes, I set off for the gym.
I was pitiful. I ran in slow-motion, lifted weights no heavier than a soup can, and generally felt as though every part of me was singing oh, ee, oh, ee-oh-ah in unison. I have to do better than that! I must beat aging! I am not ready for early-bird dinner specials and day trips on the bingo bus. I don’t like the look of Dr. Scholl’s sensible shoes and velour pantsuits. I am especially not interested in wearing goofy red and purple hats everywhere I go.
I must overcome!
So tomorrow, this blognut does solemnly swear to return to the gym with renewed vigor and determination, and kick her own ass.
And if I fail? I will sign up for water swimnastics and register for my AARP card.
Disconnected
2 hours ago









